We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
