I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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