my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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