In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
