If that was your dad, he is hot
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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