yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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