I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize