Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
