see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
