Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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