Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
