im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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