I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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