i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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