how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
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I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
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The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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