So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
