Four minutes until I can fart!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
