I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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