Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
