ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
