Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
