SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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