remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
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I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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