where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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