i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
