We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
