the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
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