I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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