I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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