I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
