I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
