I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
