Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
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I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
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I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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