five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
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WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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