That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
