Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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