I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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