Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
her vagine was all disorganized.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
