In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
