i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
