he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize