Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
