I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
