That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
