Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
