so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
