Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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