Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
