Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
