You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
