They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
