When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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