I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
