If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
