sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
