is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
