I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize