1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
How external is "for external use only"?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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