I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
