Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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