was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
