I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
where does the pee come out of this thing
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
